With Heavy Heart...

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die! - Mary Frye 1932

Today, I am the bearer of sad tidings. Autumn, had been very ill several weeks ago with a respiratory infection. We treated her with antibiotics and she seemed to be recovering very well, still she was underweight despite a healthy appetite. She was a very finicky eater, so I began feeding her as much as she wanted, as many times a day as she was interested and giving her a high calorie supplement. I have the battle scars and a half dozen half finished cat food cans in the refrigerator to prove it! Over the past several weeks, she gained weight and Saturday evening, she was as cheerful as I'd seen her in a while. She played with the thread as I was sewing and seemed more interested in getting into things than she had been in some time. I was...relieved.

On Sunday morning, when I looked to the usual place that she waits to be fed, she wasn't there. Even though her tastes were annoyingly discriminating, she was always interested in food. I called for her and when I saw her walking up the stairs, I immediately realized something was wrong. She made it up half a flight and stopped. I thought she was just being stubborn, so I went down the stairs to retrieve her. As I placed her on the kitchen floor, she just laid down. I didn't panic, but I was concerned. She wouldn't eat and slept most of the day.

Yesterday morning however, there she was in her usually place, meowing to be fed. She didn't seem perfect, but this was a good sign. I thought that maybe she just was having an off day. She ate very little, but she did eat. While I was hopeful, I had an awful feeling yesterday morning when I left her. Still, she seemed improved from the day before, so I went off to work. When I returned last evening, she was no where to be found. She and her siblings like to sleep in a little crawl space in our basement, so I presumed that's where she was.

I called to her several times over the course of the evening and around 8 p.m. I became really concerned. It wasn't at all like her not to respond at all. Kyla began looking for her and when she found her, she said "Mom, I found her, but she's scaring me". I immediately ran to see what was wrong. Autumn was in the crawl space, but she was very still. I knew she was gone.

We loved her very much and are heartbroken.


In Darkness, Light.


Tracy