Tranquil Endings...

Merry Meet and Happy Sunday, Family and Friends,

So, this past Friday brought us some comforting news. My husband met with his surgeon for his 6 month follow up and CAT scan. And while the tumor he had was benign with rare chance of recurrence(knocking on wood, throwing salt over left shoulder, rubbing lucky rabbit's foot on my ass), the same can be said for lottery wins and lightning strikes. Still, the surgeon was happy with the results and so were we! I love you, Dr. Korst!

The surgeon's office is housed in an outpatient cancer center. Perhaps it's my Reiki training, but I tend to be more sensitive to other people's energies when I'm there. At times walking through the corridors of the building is quite uncomfortable. The energy is heavy, oppressive and yet, there is a quiet tranquility.

And despite my obvious joy that my husband is doing well, my happiness was tempered as I looked into the faces of the people who aren't. A young girl, pale, thin and frail, somewhat jaundiced with a knit cap pulled down covering her bald head. An older woman, some one's grandma perhaps? Her husband clutching her arm, steadying her as they slowly walked the hallway looking for their doctor's office. Her look was the same, sad, confused, frightened. I wanted to offer them Reiki or perhaps just a hug. It makes me so angry! Stupid Cancer.

I find myself doing this a lot. Looking into some one's face, sensing their pain and wanting to offer healing of some kind. I realize this is not always appropriate. Some might welcome it, others I'm certain, might find it strange and intrusive. Reiki is not Witchcraft. There is no religious affiliation attached to it. Still, when one hears "energy work", unless they are familiar with the practice, they immediately seem skeptical or worse..frightened.

Reiki can ease one's anxiety, depression and pain, but it's not going to make a terminally ill patient or their family deal better with the prospect of dying. It's not meant to be spiritual, although some find the contrary to be true. I find it to be a little of both.

I've always felt that everyone should have the kind of experience with the dying that I shared my Dad. We were able to talk openly about his illness and the fact that he was terminal. We were able to laugh and share things that perhaps we waited far too long to say. There were no awkward silences or avoidance of discussion about death. No regrets. It was peaceful acceptance for both of us.

My family has experienced several losses in the past 10 years. My Dad, my sister, my mother and Ray's Mom. Was there something I was meant to learn from it, I often wondered? I gotta tell ya, for a really long time, what I learned was that shit happens and not all of it was good! That said, I've suspected there was something I was meant to share from my experience, in some way, with those who needed to hear it.

This April, on my birthday, I will embark on new and yet familiar journey. I will be taking a workshop to be certified as an "End of Life" Doula. Perhaps you've heard the term "doula" used to describe someone who assists in physical and emotional support during birth. In this workshop, I will learn to provide terminally ill patent's and families with spiritual and emotional comfort during the transition of dying.

Yeah, I know..it's a really weird way to spend my birthday! But, it feels right.

In Darkness, Light!


Tracy